Visions Of Atlantis.

There once was a time when I enjoyed listening to the music this band put out, but that was back when I had horrible taste in music. Yes, this is going exactly where you think it is.

Basically, the only decent song this band has recorded is Lost, which perfectly defines the band themselves. They're clearly stuck between trying to sound like standard American rock bands (just listen to that guys vocals - come on!!) and a wannabe Nightwish or Tristania.

The whole 'beauty and the beast' vocal style is all well and good if you know how to work it. Not that this guy is really a 'beast' with his vocals. He sounds like an American Idol reject. I'm sure this band is from one of those Nordic countries (a quick Wikipedia check and I see they're from Austria; I was close), but he is trying WAY to hard to SOUND American! WHY! WHY DO YOU DO THAT! His vocals are so substandard. The female in the band isn't that much better either, but at least she doesn't sound like she got kicked out of the top 100 on Idol.

I was presented with a cd of theirs once and I think I listened to half of it and just forgot about it. There was no point. This band are just terrible. The music is predictable and is not unique in the slightest way possible.

That's all I can say. I don't want to waste space anymore.

CSS.

Cansei de Ser Sexy. Really, I am.

If you haven't heard of this band yet then you probably haven't heard of the inventions known as tv and radio. Or you're Amish. You're probably Amish.
I come to this decision due to the fact that not too long ago, CSS were almost everywhere. They had a slot in the V Festival this year alongside acts such as Smashing Pumpkins [the new, fail-filled Pumpkins, though] and Duran Duran [of all bands], they received love from Triple J and Rage played their videos quite often. They even were used in a commercial, which pretty much boosted them even higher amongst the trendoids who saw the ad and thought "ZOMG! I WANT!"; you anger me, okay?

For those who are now curious, it seems that many iPod ads use somewhat alternative songs in their ads. The CSS song? Music Is My Hot Hot Sex. If you still don't know it, the chorus contains the lyrics 'music is my boyfriend / music is my girlfriend'. There, trendoids; I've told you what the song is called. Go. Download. Put it on your iPod. Tell your friends how you finally found that song you all love. No really, I mean it. Do it, it's a seriously good song.

Let's start with Alala. It's probably my favourite CSS song at present, and with good reason! The video clip pisses me off and Lovefoxxx resembles a China doll with a bleeding nose, but the idea of a mass fight in reverse is pretty damn cool. The song has fairly weak lyrics [eg. 'alala alala, you're so cool / can I be your friend? / I'll drive it to the end] but it has a great beat and should be a hit in clubs because I said so. CSS should be a hit everywhere.

Let's Make Love And Listen To Death From Above is the first song I heard of theirs, and yes, I hated it, but I kept seeing it on Rage and it gets stuck in your head bad. Well it did mine. It made me want more - MOAR! So I got more; Music Is My Hot Hot Sex and then, the entire cd. I recommend it to everyone who likes indie/electronica stuff.

Meeting Paris Hilton is very amusing. I'm still not entirely sure if the song is about a dislike of Paris Hilton or a desire to shag her. Either way, it's a good song. It has an excessive use of the words 'bitch' and 'yeah' but fuck that, they're allowed to.

But now they've released their second cd, Donkey. I think they picked the right title for this cd - donkeys kill more people than cars do. It means exactly what you think it means; this cd is coming for you in the middle of the night and going to play itself until you cark it. Whether I mean that in a good way or bad way is up to you, depending on your opinions on it.
Personally, I do prefer 2006's Cansei de Ser Sexy over Donkey, but that's not to say that Donkey is without its decent tunes. Rat Is Dead (Rage) has a great rock feel to it, especially in the beginning. The shouty bits that occur every now and then add to the feel of the song, which is nice.

Although the standout track would have to be Left Behind. There is something about this song that should make people fall in love with CSS if they've never heard them before, and make those who already appreciated them love them even more. I like that they mention Helsinki. It's still pretty bland compared to the other cd, but music is a huge experiment. You're going to fuck up and release shit music and also create masterpieces. Unless you're Ashlee Simpson, who still has to learn how to sing her own songs let alone write a groundbreaking album. OSNAP!

Buckethead.

If someone were to create a music dictionary, a quick flip to words such as 'freak' and 'weird' would present a picture of a man with a KFC bucket on his head. This, my friends, is the anomaly known as Buckethead.

For those out of the loop, Buckethead is what you'd call a guitar virtuoso. He's had a stint in Guns N Roses, which must've been hell for him - that band is so lame. He's well known not only for his guitar playing but for being a complete basketcase. Seriously.

This is a grown man who plays guitar like a robot on speed but wears a Japanese mask on his face, which looks like he broke into Joey Jordison's house and painted his Slipknot mask white before stealing it, and the aforementioned KFC bucket on his head to complete the ensemble. A GROWN MAN! But that's not all. This guy actually created this backstory about being raised by chickens.

Yes, that's right - FUCKING CHICKENS!

Sure you hear stories about people being raised by primates of some sort but for a HUMAN being to be raised by a BIRD which is at least 5x SMALLER than a grown human.. It's fucking ludicrous! I understand the effect of a good gimmick, such as GWAR looking like cross bred mutants who live in a sewer, or Slipknot and they're constantly changing masks and jumpsuits, but if you're going to wear a takeaway container on your head and say you were raised by chickens then I think you should cart your merry self off to the fucking psychiatric ward.

What's even worse, is some people are very impressionable. My nephew adores this lunatic, and he actually BELIEVED his crap about being raised by god damn chickens. And no, my nephew was not three when he thought this. HE WAS FUCKING FOURTEEN! He idolises this reject so much he sincerely believed it, and would shut down anybody who tried to tell him otherwise. Thankfully, he came to his senses, or someone other than Buckethead would've been on their way to a shrink.

Also, have any of you seen this guys fingers?! They're very long, which I guess is a nifty thing to have when you're a guitarist of his stature, but my god they're just freakish!

All in all, Buckethead is a good guitarist, although I think I would respect him more if he ditched the fucking bucket and mask and made a press conference telling the world about his parents who should be named Barbara and Walter.
I would also respect him more if his guitar work wasn't all the same high-pitched, super fast riffing stuff he always does.. It's called variety.

I want to smack him for being a tool.

Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl.

I had to.

So this song burst out of the woodwork fairly recently yes? Correct. It's been plastered all over the radio stations which I don't listen to (thank god) and polluting the minds of those hipsters brainwashed by the masterminds behind radio who tell you what to listen to.

I heard it once and it left quite an impression!

But alas my darlings, it was NOT a good one.

For starters, everything in the commercial world is highly sexualised as it is already without this bird squawking about locking lips with another female. I hear the song was written by, and this I quote; "the mastermind behind hits by Britney". Mastermind? The only thing this 'mastermind' has done is successfully twirled the public around his little finger in order to rake in the money.

There is nothing remotely sexy about the song. I kissed a girl too. In fact, I've kissed several girls, not that I'm counting, but I didn't write a song about it. The least I've done is write tasteful poetry about feelings towards another girl that if you were to read them, you'd easily think they're hetero. Would the public react to this song so positively if the song was sung by a slightly chubby girl with piercings and tattoos and was a very open lesbian? I'm betting no; half of the girls out there who currently like this song would be very put off at the mere prospect that an ACTUAL lesbian is singing about kissing a girl and - gasp! - might dare to hit on them! OMG!

Then there's the fact it's sung by a girl. How about we flip it for a second, and say a male, who's comfortable with his sexuality, released a catchy track about kissing a boy? Who here also reckons it wouldn't fare so well, and that the poor boy would be slandered a homosexual when really, he's a straight boy who wanted to experiment?

Say what you like, but the world is so critical. Even the music industry, which I have no doubt would be the first to scrap the song if it was sung by a male for a male or sung by a very lesbian woman. Why even bother writing a song like this! Everything is so over sexualised that sooner or later this song will become but a blip on the rader because somebody will write a song called I Love To Have Sex With People And Occasionally Animals and it will take the world by storm with it's 'out there' lyrics such as "I will insert my penis into your tunnel of looooove".

Do the world a favour Katy Perry, and turn into a scene kid and whine about lost loves. At least then you can be fake without giving actual lesbians a bad rap.

Fuck you.

Metro Station.

I would like to thank the ads here for the American show So You Think You Can Dance? which used their song Shake It in them.

Why?
Because it saves me the trouble of actually wasting my time to go and look them up because all I hear is "Metro Station this" and "Metro Station that".
Talk about repetitive, unintelligent music.

Fuck.